DEPOSITION TRANSCRIPT: State v. Reality

DATE: The Future (Inevitably)

LOCATION: Conference Room B (The one with the buzzing light)

OPPOSING COUNSEL: “Brad” (Skinny tie. Transatlantic accent. Smells like expensive soap and lack of imagination.)

BRAD: “Ms Wright, I am directing your attention to Exhibit G, labeled ‘The Beach House Manifesto.’ Do you recognize this document?”

YOU: (Staring at the table) “I do.”

BRAD: “Please read the highlighted section for the record. Actually, strike that. I will read it to ensure clarity. And I quote…”

(Brad adjusts his glasses. He clears his throat. He speaks with the gravity of a man reading a death sentence.)

BRAD: “…’The subject, known as Doctor Chipmunk, does not store nuts. He stores entropy. He possesses a pocket dimension in his left cheek capable of holding an entire server rack. He moves at a frame rate that mocks the concept of capture. He is currently vibrating at a frequency that threatens the structural integrity of the dunes.’”

(Brad lowers the paper. He looks at you with dead, shark-like eyes.)

BRAD: “Sir. Did you truly believe that a rodent was… ‘vibrating at a frequency that threatens the dunes’?”

YOU: (Shoulders shaking. A single tear rolls down your cheek.) “It wasn’t a belief, Brad. It was… a glitch.”

BRAD: “Let the record show the witness is laughing. Let the record show the witness is muttering about ‘The Grid’ and ‘Almonds.’”

YOU: (Full Joker laugh) “You don’t understand, Brad! He had a monocle! It was a contact lens! He stole it!”

BRAD: “We are done here. Bailiff, please escort the witness to… The Padded Room